The New One

So I have sold out. True story. All of my Concordia friends have tumblr. And since for some reason they want to read my thoughts, I have started a tumblr. So for those of you who follow my blog...take a trip over to http://thedibbern.tumblr.com/ to follow my everyday thoughts!

Old Friends

Today I ran into an old friend that I haven’t seen in awhile. This friend and I text on a regular basis, talk on the phone occasionally but rarely see anymore due to the fact that we go to college in different states, have no mutual friends, and have incredibly busy schedules. Running into each other was one of those moments that was completely random, unexpected, and nice.

As I was talking to this friend I realized something; when you talk to someone you’ve known for awhile, there is a comfort when you look into their eyes. And yes I realize how incredibly cheesy and lame that sounds but it’s true. With this friend, I’ve been in the most fights, went to when I was at my weakest the most, and spent the most hours at caribou/starbucks with. This friend and I have had our problems but they still get me…they get me more then I’d like to admit.

I share this story not so you can have a glimpse into my life (even though it is story that covers a better part of seven years of my life) but to hopefully open your eyes to who that person is for you. That person who you can look at and feel comforted, that person who you’ve fought with but have grown from it, and that person you have great memories with from your awkward teenage years.

Who is that old friend?

My People

For those of you who don't know, I teach dance as my part time job. This is shocking for some people. I mean I don't know understand why...I clearly look like a dancer straight from New York Ballet. Anyway, dance started up this week and as I was getting ready, I put on the Spirited Feet uniform. This "uniform" consists of black yoga pants/capris and any shirt that says Spirited Feet on it. On Monday I chose to rock the black pants, original bright yellow SF shirt with our long sleeve over it. After I got dressed, I realized how familiar and comforting this outfit was. This is an outfit I have been wearing as a teacher for three years, an assistant for seven years and a dancer for 12 years. This outfit represents a big part of my life.

As I drive to Eagan (which is where I teach on Mondays) I realize something. No matter what my day was like or where I'm at in life, being able to teach dance to little kids always has the ability to make me happy. My favorite moment of teaching dance is when the girls are comfortable with the song they're dancing to, they sing the lyrics to the song. I love it. So I'm almost to Eagan and I'm getting excited that A) The heating in my car is somewhat working (for those of you who don't know, my heating doesn't work...which makes driving in this negative degree weather awesome) B)We have new classes of little girls full of hilarious stories that I go back to school and share with all of my friends.

When I was setting up for dance, one of my bosses shows up. I always feel weird calling the owners of SF my bosses. Because while they do employ me, they have been amazing mentors to me for 12 years as well as quality friends. We talked for a little bit then after the floor attacked my leg we were ready to start class.

We make it through dance with only one crier (which is a success in our book) and after cleaning up and a conversation with my boss and the other woman I teach with, I'm on my way back to school. Now so far, the title of this blog has nothing to do with what I'm writing about. But this is all a part of my thought process.

Over the past two weeks I have realized something. I have quality people in my life. Ranging from the owners of Spirited Feet to the people I still keep in touch with from SportsLife/YouthWorks to friends who I share a pair of pants with to a new roommate to a friend who convinced me to register for a class he was in just so he would have someone to talk to.

Lately certain bible verses/songs have been popping up in my everyday conversations. I can only see this as a God thing. These verses/songs all have to do with not being alone and stating that we were made to do things together and to carry each other so not one person has to go at it alone. I've realized over the past couple of weeks that I have people. People that put up with my crazy and still love me. People that are willing to pray for me and walk alongside me through my struggles. People that will make fun of me and point out my ridiculous features. So if you are one of those people,

thank you.

My Struggle

With the beginning of spring semester quickly approaching, I’m going to let you in on a little fact about Sarah: I hate school. This fact isn’t a college discovery for me either. I have consistently hated school for as long as I can remember. There are many times in my early teen years where I would be sitting in my room crying or at the computer crying because I couldn’t figure out a math equation or how to solve a chemistry problem. Since I have diagnosed ADHD, I have to study about ten times harder then a lot of my friends to succeed in school. Don’t worry, this post gets more positive...just stay with me.

When thinking about how I struggle with school, a bible story comes to mind. It’s the story of peter walking on water towards Jesus. I feel like this passage describes my battle with school so well:

²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

²⁹ “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Matthew 14:27-31

Peter was terrified to step out of the boat and walk on water. Of course who wouldn’t be? I know I don’t wake up in the morning and think hm. today would be a good day to defy the laws of gravity. But still, Peter said hey Jesus, if it’s you, tell me to come. So Peter has faith and gets out of the boat and walks on water. Then he looks down and has a moment when he realizes that he’s walking water and begins to sink. It’s right at that moment that God pulls him out of the water and sets him back on his feet.

That’s how my semesters go. They start out in an ‘I can do it!’ phase where I have faith that God will carry me through and will help me. Then I get about half way through the semester and I lose faith because I get a bad grade on a test or paper and I begin questioning why I’m in school and if I can get a call to a congregation with out a degree (I’ve looked into it...you can’t). Then when I feel like I’ve drowned, God pulls me out of the waters that is school and shows me that I can do this and makes me question why I ever doubted him.

I gave a talk on this bible passage every Monday over the summer and this is a concept that I needed to be constantly reminded of. So if you, like me, struggle with school or really have any other struggles take hope. God is always with us. Which is an incredible concept. We may have a lot of other people come and go in our life but one is always consistent. And that is the father who loves more than anyone else.

So no matter what our struggles are, God has got us. Somewhere along the way we will lose faith and think, God, where are you? Then right as we think we’re done for, God pulls us into his arms and shows us that he never leaves our sides.

As I go into this spring semester I won’t lie to you, I’m terrified. But this fear and struggle is one that I’m ok with. I know that I will still have to study ten times harder then everyone else to do well but I find peace in that because I know that God has got me. And since he has got me I will succeed.

Told you this would end on a happy note.

My Bucket List

I feel like lately I have heard so many people come up with their 'bucket list' and in the past couple of weeks I have been trying to figure out what would be on this list. When I shared my newest item on the list with my mom, she said "I don't like the term 'bucket list'...it makes it sound like you're going to die " I said "But that is what people call it...it's a list of things you want to accomplish before you die. What mom? Do you want me to call it a 'wish list of things to accomplish'? Because I feel like that's lame and long" "Well I would like it very much if that's what you called it" Whatever mom. Anyway, I've been thinking of what my actual bucket lists (or wish list of things to accomplish) is...so here it is:

College Bucket List

Go out of the country on a mission trip

Dress up the Martin Luther statue on campus in a tux for Reformation

Go to West Virginia

Go to Boone, North Carolina

Go to a hard core show

Spend Spring Break somewhere warm and not Minnesota

Learn how to wake board and be successful at it

Rest of Life Bucket List

Travel to England

Go cliff diving

Find a legit guy to get in crazy adventures with

Spend an entire year with out any family in the Hospital or E.R.

Get a tattoo of a star on my right wrist (see Genesis 15:4,5)

Spend New Years in Veil, Colorado

Speak at the National Youth Gathering

My list seems small with out anything huge like meet the cast of 'How I Met Your Mother' or go on David Letterman (my brother just had to go and ruin that one for me). The items on the lists are achievable for me. The one I keep coming back to is the newest one on my list. And that would be speaking at the National Youth Gathering. While some people think the idea of speaking to 35,000 youth is terrifying, I see it as amazing and something I want to do before I die. I decided this while watching the recap of the most recent youth gathering in hopes of getting a chance to hear a friend and our senior pastor speak at different mass events. What keeps going through my mind is how incredible it would be to be able to allow God to speak through me and use the gifts I was given to witness to 35,000 youth. Just typing that sentence gave me goosebumps.

So there it is. My bucket lists. I hope that I can cross everything off that list by the time I'm old (but still just as awesome).

Disclaimer: I was told by my friend Lindsey that I probably needed to post on this. One of my closest group of friends thought this blog would be all hilarious posts that all have to do with the goings on in my mind. So to Lisa, Sam, Ellen, Lindsey, and Adam: While my humor will be in what I write, most of the posts will be about real things that I come across because believe it or not, there are some people out there that take me somewhat seriously.

My First

I have decided to be one of those cool kids and start a blog. This blog will contain my random thoughts regarding life, my dreams (literally what I dream at night) and once the summer comes, the crazy adventures I get into. My first blog post will be about one of the weirdest things about me: my dreams.

I have really weird dreams. The dreams I have aren't made up in my attempt to be a writer. These are real dreams that go on in my brain when I sleep. When I wake up from nights where I have ridiculous dreams, I go through the same three questions:

1. What did I eat last night?

2. What did I think about before I went to bed?

3. What did I watch before I went to bed?

Often my dreams over-exaggerate what is going on in life at the current moment...and I mean really over-exaggerate. I once dreamt about Harry Potter battling Draco Malfoy through various buildings on the campus of Concordia University. What I learned from that dream was that magic doesn't work in tunnels of ice that apparently are in the science building. Or my dreams will contain music that I have composed in my head. I hope this means I'm going to start writing music soon.

There are times where my dreams make me think and put me in a weird mood for the rest of the day. I feel like the dreams I had last night will put me in that mood. These are the types of dreams that involve something real in my life. Like a dream involving a friend who is no longer with us or a dream where friends decide to leave me. These are the dreams I do not like having.

The dreams last I had last night, while comedic at times, all ended in the same way: me waking up and wondering why that went through my mind. To really understand why I dreamt what I did, I need one of those dream analysts to come and pick apart my brain. Until I come across one of those, I'll rely on a friend to hear about them.

Welcome to my blog. Hopefully after this first post you will want to come along the way with me and read whatever I have to say next. So sit back and enjoy.